More of Him and Less of Me

Today was a productive day despite the fact that I stayed up all night. I managed to fall asleep around 8:30 am and got a few hours sleep. I was wide awake most of the night and ended up doing my household chores at 6:30 am. I worked on my lesson for children's church and finished it. Later on today, David and I leave for the Leader's Summit. Ashley is staying with Connie and Jesse. She still has congestion from her cold, but overall she is much better and looking forward to spending time at the Lanclos home. Last night Adam and Jeffery stayed up all night playing Xbox. So I was able to light my candle, listen to worship music, pray and just sit at the feet of Jesus. I didn't realize how much I miss having time to myself. In my home there is always someone who wants to talk or someone who needs me. It is very nice to be needed and I am certainly not complaining about that. It's just nice to have time with God without too many interruptions. And to be able to worship Him with my whole heart in the beauty of the candlelight was so refreshing. I suppose that's why I was so inspired today to do my lesson for children's church so quickly. In studying the tabernacle and getting ready to present it to my kids it helped me to understand more the purpose of the tabernacle was more than just God wanting a place to meet with His people. The tabernacle also shows us how to approach God. The Word of God says we can now come boldly to the throne of grace. There is freedom in Christ to do that. But no matter which approach there was to God at whatever time it's still the same... we must come to Him broken and contrite. We must never forget to reverence Him... this great and powerful holy God Almighty. We can come to Him when we are at the end of ourselves.... when we are feeling worthless... broken and undone... THIS is the best way to approach Him. For it is when we are in this state of being that we truly can understand our need of Him... our need of a Savior. And that is exactly how I felt last night. I wept as I realized how much I need Him. I did not weep because of pity toward myself. I wept because I was in awe at how needy I was of God and how His presence was so strong. I also gave Him my burdens and layed them at His feet. And I felt such peace and reassurance that He was taking care of it all. And then I realized that I wanted more of Him. Those few hours was not enough for me. I began to crave so much more of His presence. My prayer now is more of Him and less of me. I plan to meet with God again later on. After all... He is waiting for me.

Forgetting the Former Things

Today is another day and reason to just thank the Lord that He woke me up today. Yesterday was a bit of an overwhelming day and I had a lot to do. We have 2 more lapbooks to complete and we ran into a snag with Ashley not feeling well. I will help her to finish our lapbook on Cuba and then the other two will have to wait for us to begin. I pray Ashley is better so she can go to Connie and Jesse's this weekend for us to attend the Leader's Summit. Brenda talked to me last Sunday regarding the issues I am struggling with in my last blog. I had shared with her the last time this all came up and she was so encouraging. It's nice to have encouraging people in your life. But honestly nobody understands what I feel except God. He sends just the right people to encourage us, but for those deep struggles within yourself... those past mistakes that haunt us... HE is the only One that can get us through. HE is the only One that can help us forgive ourselves when we have hurt those we love. This is not an instant thing for me. It just isn't. People tell you that you have to let it go and let God... blah.. blah... blah... as if I don't already know that. I am not trying to belittle the kindness others have shown me. I appreciate everyone who reaches out to me and I receive their love and encouragement each and every time. But for me... my inner turmoil is something only God can fix. And He is. But it is not an instant thing. But I do believe total healing will come... for both Adam and me. Matter of fact, things have been much better since all has been talked about and cried over. There was a release for both of us and for that I am so grateful. I spent time in prayer just asking God to help us both. I placed it all in His hands and by faith I believe it will all work out for the good of both, Adam and me. My main struggle is feeling I deserve to be punished. Each time I see a bad behavior pattern in Adam it is automatically my fault. I must deal with this wrong mentality. Adam is an adult and is responsible for his own actions. I had a messed up childhood myself, but it is not my parent's fault for my behavior now. So I choose to meditate on Scripture and defeat the enemy who torments my mind with these impure thoughts. By His stripes I am healed. Such few words... yet so powerful to put my faith in. I think about Job in the Bible who said these exact words. I despise my own life. What a way to feel. And with all he went through in the end he is found to be stating, The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Job did not give up. No matter what his circumstances... no matter what his losses... no matter what his pain. He was to the point that he felt worthless and felt he deserved to die. This is right where I am in my life right now. I have not gone through nearly what Job went through. But the sorrow and remorse I feel for my past is just as painful for me. Like Job, I am still saying, Blessed be the name of the Lord. He is worthy to be praised. The Lord has led me to some powerful Scriptures for me to meditate on. One of them is in Micah 6:8. He has shown you, O man, (Yvette) what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Wow. That sums it all up, doesn't it? The past is over. Live now. Act justly. In other words, it is not too late to do right now. Remain "just" before God. I repented a long time ago. God forgave me. End of story. Or it should be. I am to "love mercy". It is obvious God has shown mercy to me by His forgiveness of ALL my sin... past and present. And yet, I find myself resenting myself over my PAST. That clearly shows I am not loving mercy. Loving God's mercy is accepting it and putting the past behind. Each time I dwell on the past I make a mockery out of His love and mercy towards me. If I LOVE mercy then I will act like I do. To walk humbly with God is knowing I deserve death, but receiving His love, grace, and mercy and His gift of salvation. Jesus died so I wouldn't have to. I MUST keep this in my heart always. Walking humbly is knowing I am nothing and understanding He is everything and putting my trust in that and my complete and total surrender and dependence upon Him. Wow. My favorite Christian song called "Dependence" just came to my mind. When I first heard that song I cried. That song has been a great source of comfort to me and a reminder of my redemption from my past. Maybe I ought to listen to it again later on. I think I will. I will end this blog with a word from the LORD that I am standing on. It is God's love lines to me today. Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19. I will no longer allow the enemy to torment my mind with bad memories of my past. I will no longer dwell on the past. The LORD is doing a new thing with Adam and me. The LORD is doing a new thing in my heart and in Adam's heart. He is making a way in the desert and streams where it once was a painful place to walk through. Amazing how God can use a Scripture for another situation in the Bible for our comfort and to speak to us. There are so many Scriptures God has brought before me. But for now I will meditate on the ones I posted today. I honesly do not know how anyone can get through life without God in it.

Haunted By My Past Once Again

Last night and today have been two of the worst days of my life. My past has come back to haunt me once again and I am an emotional wreck. My torment continues and just as I reach a point where I can actually receive God's forgiveness without feeling worthless it all comes back to haunt me. I feel so unworthy because of my past sins. My husband tried talking with me and telling me I need to move forward and forget the past. The Bible tells me that as well. And I know I have to do that in order to continue living now. In my eyes things I have done are just UNFORGIVEABLE. I fully understand that God doesn't hold it against me. I repented... I asked forgiveness... and according to His Word I am forgiven and my past sins are just that... THE PAST. But when your past affects others... particularly your own children and you watch them hurt as a result of your mistakes... well... for me... it's not an easy thing to get past. And what makes it even worse is I was a Christian at the time. Or at least trying to be. I was a totally different person than I am now. Not an excuse. I know I cannot erase my past. Even if I want to forget it I can't because I see the fruit of it in my child... actually he is not a "child" anymore, but an adult. An adult who is struggling with things in the past as a result of his mom. He says he has forgiven me and he doesn't hate me. At this point I I guess I should be relieved of that. On the other hand, I don't deserve his forgiveness and I don't blame him if he ended up hating me. I find myself wanting to pay for my past and suffer over it because my child was hurt by things I have done. My husband keeps telling me that it is not just my fault for the way things turned out. He says it was a result of many things combined at the time. I am having a hard time accepting what he says. I cried all night until 6:30 am this morning. I got up today and had to share with David my talk with my son last night. And I cried more and was an emotional basket-case all day today. He says the fact that Adam was able to talk about things with me was a step in the right direction. I understand things with Adam much better. But all those negative emotions he shared with me and his behavior now is a constant reminder of me as a screwed up mom back then. I cannot take the past away. I cannot change the hurt I caused my son at the time. I can only continue to move forward and be the best I can be now. My prayer now is for healing for my son and me. My prayer is also for God to use all of this to help someone else. I find myself with a strong burden for other moms who struggle with an ADHD child... or any other mom who takes their own anger out on their children. I know I am not alone in this and their are other moms out there who struggled as I did and who made tremendous mistakes. I just want to shout to those moms out there PLEASE... if you struggle with hormones and anger issues... please DO NOT take it out on your child. Everytime you scream at them... or spank them in anger... you are scarring them for life. I learned this lesson way too late in life. My daughter now has a completely different mom than my sons had. Adam told me that as well. He sees now that I am not the same person anymore. God has transformed my heart and I understand a lot more than I did back then. It's like a veil has been pulled off of me and I can see through the eyes of God. I see GOOD PARENTING and I strive for it more than ever now. But my past and my BAD PARENTING still haunt me every time I see my son hurting. THAT is something I can never run from. However, I will labor the rest of my life in prayer for him and beg God to heal his him totally and completely from head to toe. And I will allow God to use me as a testimony to others of what bad parenting can do to a child. Yes, it hurts to admit my past to someone else... and I am so ashamed of it. And I feel very unworthy to even give advice to anyone else. But my advice will be on what NOT to do based on my own experience as a mom. I will not stop laboring in prayer for my son and begging God to heal us both. My heart is very sad right now... but I will trust in the LORD with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. My own understanding of all of this will destroy me. But my trust in Him will bring healing.

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

I have been singing one of my absolute favorite songs since my son sung it in church last Sunday. There is just something about this particular song that reaches deep into my soul and I find myself singing it to God with my whole heart filled with praise and gratitude for all of His blessings in my life. But one thing about this song is I never truly understood its entire meaning. This puzzled me because why am I so drawn to sing this particular song to God? Why a song that I was not even sure what its words meant? So thus began my research and prayer of understanding to God. I will post the lyrics to the song and the meaning with it that I got from research and also the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart about it.

Come Thou Fount

Come, thou fount of every blessing...

A fount is a source. God is the source of every blessing. So when I sing this I am calling upon the source of all my blessings (God/Jesus Christ)

Tune my heart to sing thy grace...

Tune or teach my heart to sing of His grace. May I always remember He is the source of grace and mercy.

Streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise.

His mercy never ceases. It comes in streams and God continues to pour it out upon my life. This calls for my continued gratitude and gives me a reason to praise Him.

Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above.

Teach me, Lord to sing Your praises just as the angels do. Give me a song to sing in my heart for You because I am grateful for your streams of mercy that are never ceasing.

Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it, mount of thy redeeming love.

The "mount" is Calvary... where Jesus died for me...I remember Calvary, Lord.. I'm fixed upon it... I never forget this mount of redeeming love where Your blood was shed for my sins.

Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by they help I'm come.

I looked up what Ebenezer was all about and was quite surprised at what I found. It is found in the book of 1 Samuel. After Israel had been disobedient to the Lord they finally repented under the leadership of a new priest and judge, Samuel. Samuel placed a large stone at the place where this restoration took place. He dedicated it as a monument as a reminder of all what God had done and to remind them of this restoration that was taking place. The Ebenezer stone represented a fresh beginning... repentance. It reminded the people of God's mercy and that it lasts forever.

I also read how we too can raise up our own "Ebenezer stones" so-to-speak. One author said how a prayer journal was an "Ebenezer stone" for them. They record their prayer requests and also record each time God answers their prayers. The journal serves to remind them of God's faithfulness. Ebenezer means "rock of help".

Another example was given how someone had a hard time forgiving themselves regarding their past mistakes. They tend to beat themselves up though they know that God forgives them. So they thought about setting up an Ebenezer stone of some sort to remind them that they are forgiven.

That Ebenezer rock was a constant reminder to Israel of God's infinite mercy and faithfulness and His covenant with His people.

So when I sing...here I raise my Ebenezer..hither by thy help I'm come... I am saying I will never forget all the help You have given me, God... I will never forget all that You have done for me... all the mercy and grace You have poured upon me. I am also saying I cannot live my life without Your help. My "Ebenezer" is a reminder that You are my help, God.

And I hope by thy good pleasure safely to arrive at home.

My hope is in You, Lord... that it pleases You to take me home to heaven to be with You. It is also my pleasure to arrive at my heavenly home to be with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God.

When I was living my life on my own and not even caring about God... when I was lost in a dying world apart from Jesus Christ... when I was a stranger to who God was like a lost sheep... Jesus came and sought after me... He found me living in sin wandering far away from God and He rescued me as the next line in the song says.

He to rescue me from danger, interposed His precious blood.

By the blood of Jesus Christ... I was rescued from danger... the danger that my own sinful life was leading me into.

O to grace how great a debtor...

I am indebted to Christ and understand now the meaning of His grace. For this I owe my life.

Daily I'm contrained to be..

Daily I must remember what Christ did for me... He saved me... He rescued me...He is my Ebenezer or "rock of help" and His mercies continue to pour into my life.

Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee.

Let me remember always God's goodness. A fetter is shackles or chains. My natural self tends to forget God and His goodness. My natural self has a tendency to sin. Bind my heart to Yours, God like someone that is in shackles and cannot escape. Let me be so in love with you that we are spiritually chained or shackled together.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.

Bind my heart to Yours, O Lord... like shackles because I am prone to forget or to wander from You. I am prone to sin and to fall into temptation. Help me, Lord not to give into temptation to sin and wander away from You.

Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.

Here is my heart, God... take it... seal it... so that I may be worthy of You... to enter into Your courts above. I love how the song ends with total surrender to God. What a prayer!

Blessings From a Friend and More From Jeremiah

I am still awake into the wee hours of the morning after taking a short nap earlier tonight. I went to church this morning and taught my class. I had a big class today and we continued our study in the book of Exodus. We are just beginning to study about the tabernacle and all that involves. We are also focusing on learning the books of the Bible in order. Some of the kids have received their framed certificates and bag of goodies. I am so proud of them and they are working so hard. This past weekend Jesse, Connie, and Ethan came over and we had good food, fellowship, and a game of Hand and Foot. It was nice to spend time with my dear sweet friends. This morning the Lord used another special friend of mine to bless me. I am determined to remain faithful to my commitment to the Lord and my husband in living frugally and being a helpmate to my husband in the financial area of our lives. After spending the past two weeks helping my husband develop a budget I had forgotten about Mom's Night Out on the first Monday of the month. I guess I had gotten so caught up in things that I just forgot. When Connie reminded me about it, it was too late to add it to our budget. We had already paid bills and none was left for a much needed evening away with other homeschool moms. When Marty called I had to tell her what happened with much regret of not being able to attend. This morning she handed me money and said God had laid it upon her heart to bless me so I could attend Mom's Night Out. Oh, it brought tears to my eyes! I was so incredibly touched and I humbly received her gift of love knowing that God would definitely bless her in return for her act of kindness and servant's heart. And that is my prayer for her. So tonight I am excited to go after all! It all worked out perfectly because I have food cooked for my family for tonight. I will homeschool later on today, bring Ashley to dance, and then I am off to be with friends. I am also blessed that my wonderful husband always encourages me to go do this. But before I get caught up in my day later on I decided tonight to do another lesson in my inductive study on the book of Jeremiah. In my first lesson I learned what kings were reigning in Jeremiah's time and I also learned that Jeremiah was of the priestly line of his forefathers. Beginning in verse 4, it says the Word of the LORD came to Jeremiah. I have gone through chapter one and marked everywhere it says the Word of the LORD. I highlighted every reference to Jeremiah in the color blue and marked every reference of time with a green clock. My personal observation questions are as follows:

WHAT did the word of the LORD say to Jeremiah FIRST?

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.

This reminds me of the verses in Psalm 139, verses 13 and 14.

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb, I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

God knew us BEFORE we were formed in our mother's womb. This also proves to me that EVERY child is a gift from the LORD. When I think about abortion and all those babies that are slaughtered. All these babies or fetuses that God knew and loved... slaughtered because the mother sees them as mistakes or doesn't acknowledge they are human beings. And if I am fearfully and wonderfully made who am I to criticize the way God made me? So many people are not satisfied with themselves or the way God created them. I think sometimes the world acts as though God made a mistake in creating us. We should be thankful for the way God created us. We are beautiful because we are wonderfully made!

The next thing God tells Jeremiah is: I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.

Wow... imagine being told that by God! Imagine being told suddenly that you are God's prophet. I was intrigued by Jeremiah's response after God told him this because it is so typical of us today.

Alas, Lord God! Behold, I do not know how to speak, because I am a youth.

So here is Jeremiah... a YOUTH and God tells him "you are going to be my prophet". Kinda' tells me that you certainly do not have to be an adult for God to use you or for you to serve Him. Being young is not an excuse. Jeremiah is obvious afraid and probably full of anxiety over this. His insecurities set in and he automatically feels he can't do it. "I'm too young, God... I can't speak for You..." Hmmm... sounds a lot like us today. One excuse after the other NOT to do what God asks us to do. I can relate to Jeremiah so easily. I am full of insecurities and I certainly struggle with speaking to others at times.

God rebukes Jeremiah and tells him basically not to use the excuse that he is too young and cannot speak. He point blank tells Jeremiah:

Everywhere I send you, you shall go, and all that I command you, you shall speak.

Does he say "some" of what I command you to say you shall say? No... he says ALL. Every single thing I tell you to say... every single place I tell you to go... you will do it, Jeremiah. It's not an option. It's a command. Wow.

So why when God asks us to do something we are not comfortable doing we think it is an option for us? Do we not want to obey God's commands? Do we not see that when we refuse it is sinning against God? I believe we really do not take God's commands seriously. Especially His command to go out and be Jeremiah's to the world around us and share the gospel.

God sees the anxiety and insecurity Jeremiah has just as He sees our anxieties and insecurities. And what does God do? Just as our loving God always does. He comforts and encourages us. He tells Jeremiah...

Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you. Wow. What comforting words! Do we truly believe God is with us when we face the same challenges?

The LORD puts His anointing on Jeremiah's mouth and equips Him to be His prophet to the nations. God will not send us out to do something for Him and not equip us. He always equips us to do what He asks of us. And yet we doubt Him and adhere to our insecurities.

The Lord goes on to tell Jeremiah what he is to do and what he will be facing as He becomes God's prophet... His messenger. The LORD reassures Jeremiah again that He is not alone and that God will be right there with Him.

This was such a comforting lesson to start my week. A reminder that God is with me no matter what I face. I could face the absolute worst of enemies and He is right there promising to be my deliverer! Whom shall I fear? Shall I fear man? Or shall I believe God and stand on the promises of His Word?

Thank you, God for Your precious Holy Word. May I always remember to walk in Your ways and apply Your truths to my life. May I always remember that others need to know You and Your Word. Help me to be an instrument that You use to help spread the gospel to a lost and dying nation. Amen.

We Are All Jeremiah's

I decided to finish this week off with much needed rest and to try and catch up on things I need to get done. So far rest has been number one today for me and it feels strange. I'm just not used to not being overwhelmed with things to do. I have a lot to do... but have chosen to just sit at Jesus' feet today for awhile. Maybe later on tonight I may get some things done. Ashley is working on her room which has been chaos since we got back from Galveston. We are going to make up our missed days of school later. That's the convenience of homeschooling. I can do this! After I cooked lunch today I decided to begin my Kay Arthur inductive study on the book of Jeremiah. This is where she is currently at right now. I'll just do what I can on the days that I can. Lesson 1 began with a brief history of Jeremiah. I can't do a real deep study because I am doing the free version and not paying $15 for the other book. I downloaded the free version of the study and it will still help me to discover this great book for myself. Below is what I discovered today as I began my study.

Lesson 1 began with Jeremiah 1:1--3. It also had a long list of cross-references to coinside with Kay's video lessson. I don't watch the video. Instead I download the transcript so I can read it and highlight things that I need to remember the most. Listening to Kay is awesome, but I comprehend so much better when I read so I choose the transcript route. I did what Kay suggested in these few verses and I marked where it says word of the Lord. She also encourages you to mark these words throughout the entire book and also where it says thus says the Lord. Here is a list of what I discovered.

How Many King's Reigns Jeremiah Spoke God's Word (3)
- King Josiah - son of Amon - king of Judah
- King Jehoiakim - son of Josiah - king of Judah
- King Zedekiah - son of Josiah - king of Judah

Jeremiah's prophecy was given way back in the days of Moses.

What I Learned About Jeremiah in 1:1
- He was a priest

What We Have in Common With Jeremiah Based on Revelation 1:6
- We are priests unto God

Revelation 1:6
And He has made us to be a kingdom, priests to His God and Father - to Him be the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

What We Have In Common With Jeremiah (based on Jeremiah 20:14 and Philippians 1:29
- We are going to suffer as a follower of Christ; especially since we are called to bring the message of the gospel.
It is not an easy job to proclaim God's Word.

Jeremiah 20:14
Cursed be the day I was born; Let the day not be blessed when my mother bore me!

Philippians 1:29
For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake.

The word of the Lord came to Jeremiah in a place called Anathoth in the land of Benjamin which was not very far from Jerusalem. It was northeast of Jerusalem. In Joshua 21:13 - 18 I learned that when Joshua was dividing the land between the tribes of Israel, the city of Anathoth was given to the priests. This is how Jeremiah ties in to this place because Jeremiah was a priest as well as a prophet of the Lord.

Jeremiah is such a great prophet to study about. He was called to proclaim God's Word to a nation that had forsaken the Lord. It had to have been so hard for him and it is obvious by the verse above in chapter 20 how hard it was. Jeremiah was cursing the day he was born. He was going through so much trying to obey God.

This reminds me of all the times I murmur and complain over the littlest thing God asks me to do. Why do I do that? Why does any Christian these days not want to make much effort to obey God and proclaim His Word? It's like we are stuck in our little comfort zone and we only choose to do those things which are convenient for us and easiest for us. I just typed out a verse in Philippians where it clearly says we are to SUFFER for His sake. Well, this tells me if I'm not suffering then I must not be doing much for the kingdom of God! There is so much work to be done for God. My heart challenge today is am I willing? Am I willing to suffer for Christ's sake? Or do I prefer to stay comfortable and let someone else do it? What is God asking me to do today to further His kingdom?

One specific thing that comes to mind is sharing the gospel with the young man that lives with us... Jeff. I have spent the past 3 years laboring and praying for Him to give his life to Jesus Christ. He is so close right now. He and I had another conversation today and he keeps saying "I'm getting there but I'm not there yet". Hmmm... ok. Either you want God or you don't. It's not a middle ground. You either deny Him or embrace Him. And that was what we discussed today. He told me he didn't believe all of the Bible. So I asked... so what do you want to do with it? Do you want to just take what you like and toss the rest out? I explained that ALL of God's Word is truth and it is His Word. He had a hard time comprehending that a person could actually believe the entire Bible. I kept reminding myself of the Scripture which talks about the Bible being foolishness to those that are perishing... and how the natural man cannot understand the Word of God. What started the conversation is that he met up with his old girlfriend from high school who has become a Christian and is working part time at First Baptist Church in Lafayette. She invited him to go to church tonight (Wednesday) with her. Now I know this is NOT a coincidence. Even Jeff told me he knows that GOD meant this to happen and it is for a reason. Even Jeff knows and can see God moving in his life. He is on the verge of surrendering, but continues to have questions. I continue to answer them with His Word as the opportunity arises. I may not have this huge impact in the world for God right now. But I have a huge impact on someone living in my own home right now who needs Jesus. And I will not stop praying and laboring for his soul. Lesson learned today: We are ALL Jeremiah's in some way if we are Christians.

An Excellent Wife

I decided to take a small break from doing lapbooks. So here I am while nobody is here to bother me and I can have peace and quiet. David is on his way to bring Ashley to dance. I have meatloaf in the oven and I am off and on organizing the information regarding Cuba for Ashley to do her Cuban lapbook. We just finished a lapbook on chapter 1 of her Apologia Science book on Astronomy. The next chapter is a study on the Sun. That curriculum is the best Science curriculum I have found yet. We still think Lifepac History is the best. Ashley still loves Bob Jones English, Spelling and Reading and Abeka Math. After our Cuban lapbook we will work on another English lapbook. That's my homeschool update... regarding homemaking... everything is still going well. I have managed to stay frugal this week after my newfound committment. We are sticking to our planned budget. Meal planning is still going great and I am managing to stick to what I commit to. Tonight we are having meatloaf... tomorrow is red beans and rice which I will put in the crock pot while I go to a birthday party. Sunday we are not eating out since we are cutting most of that out. We will have plenty of leftovers between the meatloaf and red beans for Sunday, Monday, and maybe even Tuesday. Gonna stretch it all as far as I can to save money. I have also committed to not buying any groceries until I use what I already have. I know I will have to buy milk and other perishables, but I plan to stretch what is stocked up on my shelves... beans being a main dish. My inlaws give us free dried beans and I plan to use some of that for beans and rice to save money. We were able to actually budget money for the nephews' birthday tomorrow and still pay our bills and put some aside. With Jeff and Adam taking over the internet and direct tv bill it helped out a lot... plus that $200 or more we were spending on eat-outs. I am still in shock over how much we had been spending on that. I have also cut back on grocery spending. All these little cut backs are helping out. It also helps that we don't have medicine to pay right now since we met our deductible last year. We will have to pay for meds around April. We're going to rework our budget plan when that time comes. We are managing to put some aside for Christmas. We've cut back on that as well. We're going to spend way less on gifts. That's my update on living frugally. My next goal is to try and work more time for Bible study. Lately I have been focusing on Proverbs 31. There are a few passages that really speak to my heart. Particularly where it says (regarding the Proverbs 31 wife)... The heart of her husband trusts in her... When you first look at this you can generalize it and say her husband is able to trust her... in other words... she is trustworthy. But if you break it down to a more personal level... yes... I must be trustworthy... but is my husband able to trust me in ALL things? It is easy to say "of course he can"... but what about the past few years when I was not really trying my best to live frugally so he would not have as much finanical strain? In answer to the question then would be no he could not. He was not able to trust that I would make good financial decisions. He was not able to trust that his wife cared enough to be a helpmate in this area of his life. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life... have I always done my husband good ALL the days of my life? Guilty. Nope. I was not doing good when I was blaming him for our financial mess and not helping him through it. Matter of fact, sometimes I was bitter and that was a form of evil. Oops. She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight... she brings food from afar... etc... these passages make the point that the excellent wife WORKS. She is not lazy. And there is that word DELIGHT again that the Lord showed me a few months ago! Wow! How does an excellent wife "work with her hands"? She cooks... she cleans... she takes care of home. And she doesn't do it with dread or lack of motivation. She DELIGHTS in doing it. WHY? Because she is an EXCELLENT WIFE....key word being WIFE. She does this for her husband... to please him. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. IDLENESS? The excellent wife is BUSY taking care of her home. She is busy making it a warm, clean environment for her husband. He trusts her to do this. He can be confident that when he comes home she did not lazy around all day and do nothing. He can come home and relax because she has taken care of her household. He can be confident in knowing that she was busy being an excellent wife. She is such a wonderful wife and homemaker that her children and husband rise up and bless her and her husband praises her. The excellent wife is a woman who fears the Lord. She is the kind of wife that will be praised. Another verse I forgot to mention.... She extends her hand to the poor and needy. She is not only taking care of her husband and home, but she is reaching out to those in need. It is obvious that the excellent wife thinks of others more than herself. She does not spend her time trying to please herself. She sacrificially gives her entire life to pleasing others. And she does it with DELIGHT in her heart. This in itself brings conviction because how many times I "dread" cooking... or doing dishes... or how many times I have a bad attitude because the house is a mess. Well... DUH. The house is messy because I have allowed it to be so. My husband shouldn't have to come home and do dishes or fold clothes. He does this for me many times to help me out without complaining. I most certainly have an EXCELLENT HUSBAND. It's time I became his EXCELLENT WIFE in every sense of the word. So many women complain that they can't get things done due to having children to take care of. I just do not believe God gives us children and expects us to let our homes become pig pens and use that as an excuse not to clean it. Keeping a clean, organized home is something you DO for your HUSBAND and CHILDREN. It's an act of LOVE. God doesn't give wives any more than we can handle and we are certainly able to handle both children and our homes. The description of the excellent wife in Proverbs 31 is proof. I remember when Chris and Adam were younger. I had two little ones to take care of and my house stayed clean and organized. IT CAN BE DONE. Now I only have Ashley and my home is not nearly like it used to be. A lot of my excuses are because of my health issues. But is that really an excuse? I know to a certain extent when health problems come some women just cannot keep up their home as well. But what about those like me that can do something about it? If I had cancer... that is something I have no control over. But back problems due to being overweight is something I can work through. And I do. My point is to examine WHY things sometimes aren't as organized or clean as they need to be. Is it due to health problems... or due to laziness? How many times I didn't "feel" like doing something and put it off? Many times I was "too tired" to cook and we ended up spending money to eat out that we could have saved. Too tired IS NOT an excuse to shirk my wifely duties. I'm sure David doesn't feel like going to work on some days... but he does. So when did I become queen bee and think I deserved better than he? He can't not work. So why should I? Lord, help me to DELIGHT in taking care of my home and making it a clean and warm place for my family. Help me, Lord not to dread housework and cooking, but to DELIGHT in doing it. Help me not to be lazy and unmotivated and to always think of others before myself. Give me the strength I need to be the excellent wife my husband deserves. Help me to overcome the health issues in my body and not to use them as an excuse not to do what needs to be done. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

A Frugal Helpmate Is Born

I have spent the last week educating myself more on frugal living. Why am I doing this? Because of the conviction from the Holy Spirit I have to help my husband and my desire to truly be that Proverbs 31 wife to him. There is so much to learn from those verses in Proverbs 31. For years now I have sat back with bitterness towards my husband for what I labeled as "poor management" of our finances. We have lived pay check to pay check now for many years. We never can accumulate a decent savings and when unexpected things come up we do not have the money. I guess somehow in my feeble mind I must have thought the entire responsibility was on my husband. After all HE makes all the money for us to live, right? WRONG! Yes, he is the bread winner of our home. But I am his helpmate. The Bible doesn't just call me his WIFE. God brought Adam a HELPMATE. So what is the job of a helpmate? I believe Proverbs 31 has a lot of those answers. What really convicted my heart was when I realized that on the financial aspect, as my husband's helpmate... I realized that I was also his helpmate in our lack of savings and not so frugal living off and on. I had the mentality that he made the money and he should manage it as head of our home. But then that word HELPMATE kept coming to my heart and I finally understood that as his helpmate I am just as responsible for the financial aspect of our marriage. He may bring in the income, but as his helpmate I am to HELP my husband manage it and use it wisely. I had been living frustrated for quite a while and upset with him off and on for the way things were financially. I did the blame game I guess cause it was easier to blame someone. Oh, how absolutely wrong I was! I wanted HIM to fix the financial situation. I wanted HIM to find a way for us to have more money and not be in debt. Even though we BOTH have made poor decisions and financial mistakes I was putting the blame on him and not really looking at how I was adding to the financial stress. I had reached a point where I just gave up trying and I wouldn't pay attention anymore to any of it. I thought he didn't care so why should I. Why does it take me so long to truly understand things sometimes? I almost have to go through all kinds of hardship before I really learn those lessons from the Lord I need. A stubborn woman I can be! Regardless... things are changing now. I put together our Burleigh Household Notebook. It is filled with pantry inventory sheets, freezer inventory sheets, grocery category sheets, meal planning sheets, monthly bills sheets, price list sheets, holiday and birthday organizer sheets, and Christmas organization sheets. That's a good start for now. I have been researching online on living frugally and after spending all that time doing so I asked my husband to sit down with me last night and go over the monthly bills. We discussed a plan of action to manage our finances to where we will try to put at least 10% of his paycheck in savings. We want to build up to a thousand dollars emergency fund to begin with. I had read on one of the financial websites that a good plan is to spend 70% of income to live... 20% on creditors... and 10% savings. You do this until you pay off your creditors. Then you can add more to the savings. I know there is going to be some obstacles along the way and unexpected financial needs that may interfere with our plan. But the point is we have a start... TOGETHER. After sitting down with my husband and us doing this together I did not realize how much WASTE of money we did. For instance, I had no idea that just our eat-outs were over $200 a month. I did not realize it had reached that point. With us on the road with Ashley so much I guess it was much more convenient to grab a bite on the run. Needless to say we have made the decision to cut that out. That's where my meal planning comes in and I did well for this week so far. We are budgeting a small amount of money for emergency eat-outs and an occasional Sunday after church... but that's it. We will still struggle for awhile until we get things paid off, but there is freedom in knowing it will get done now that we BOTH are making the effort TOGETHER. I know my part as his helpmate involves a lot more than I ever thought. In order for him to not give up I must be the one to encourage him, help him, watch what we spend, manage the meals, and stay on top of things. I must help him to come up with a plan when unexpected financial strain comes along. I have been wrong to put this all on him and I have repented. It is much easier for me to be an encouragement to him if I know the situation and not remain ignorant as I was before. Before... I didn't want to know because it would frustrate me and then I would blame him for being a poor manager of money. This week I realized he is doing the best he can with what we have. He is making the best of a financial situation we BOTH contributed to. Now it is up to BOTH of us to work together as ONE to resolve our financial issues with God's help. Marriage is such a blessing when the two are truly one IN EVERYTHING.

Showing and Proving Love

Here I am up at the wee hours of the morning due to upset stomach. The antibiotics I am on are taking its toll on my stomach and I find my stomach this morning severly bloated and gassy. Hmmmm.... is "gassy" a word? I tried reading God's Word and for some reason its words bounce right back at me. I just can't seem to concentrate and soak in anything this morning. I am also feeling a little nauseous and this is just not a good feeling at all. I took Gas-X and am waiting for some relief. I hope I can homeschool today and not feel too bad to do it. I am thankful that despite my stomach issues I was able to make it to church yesterday. Jeff came to church with us. We've been praying and witnessing to him for three years now. I have a heavy burden for him and I find myself laboring in prayer and many tears for his salvation. In the past three weeks I have seen God moving in his heart and life. God has manifested Himself in many ways to Jeff and Jeff is in awe over it. He will not yield to God because of the spiritual abuse he went through from his mom and stepdad. He still has a lot of anger and bitterness over it and for quite some time had a deaf ear to Christianity. In the past three weeks he seems to be more open to listening and now noticing how God arranges things in his life. He appears to be under conviction and is fighting it off and on. So my prayers are stronger than ever because I can see and feel the spiritual battle going on. Yesterday was no exception. Our Sunday morning began with a spiritual battle with Jeff. Jeff had finally decided to come to church and he woke up not feeling well. But he decided he wanted to try going anyway. After we got to church I had to go to prayer meeting as always with the children's church teachers. When we gathered together I asked everyone to pray for Jeffery and gave them a quick overview of what has been going on the past three years. The prayer meeting was specifically catered to Jeff. Jeff had told me a good while back that he liked a few Christian songs. His two absolute favorites were "Here I Am To Worship" and "Awesome God". Well... when worship began these two songs were the first two played! I knew at that point this was no coincidence. And Jeff did too and told me so. God is just so amazing! Then after that my favorite song was played and then Adam sang one of his songs he wrote. Worship concluded with David's favorite song. It was like God ordained those particular songs for us! Jeff also is a drummer ( not sure how good he is)... but he had shared on several occasions how he missed playing and wished he had his drum set he used to have. Unfortunately for him his drum set fell out of a vehicle upon moving a few years ago. Jeff longs to play again. After service he and Adam went on stage to look at the drums and Jeff and Kim got to talking. Kim wants Jeff to call him for an audition. I cannot say I agree with Kim on that since Kim knows nothing about Jeff. But it is not for me to judge his decisions. Is this maybe the way God will work more in Jeff's life? I have no clue. Jeff may be an amateur and his audition may be a flop. Who knows. But it did get Jeff excited. Jeff told me he has to think about if he can really be dedicated. He told me he wanted to do this for the right reasons. I think Jeff understands it takes commitment and dedication to play each week... but I believe he also knows his heart is not right yet with God. So my prayers for him increase once more. Jeff has bonded with our family in a big way and what he wrote in David's birthday journal was so touching. He has become part of our family. When David and I took him into our homes we both clearly heard from God on that. We did not know why at the time, but we knew God had sent Jeff to us and we were to minister to him. We've had some bumpy roads along the way, but even the bumps along the way were part of God's plan as it all turned out for good. In Romans 5:8, in the Amplified Bible it says, But God shows and clearly proves His {own} love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us. It says God "shows and proves" His love for us. I feel that God sent Jeff to us for us (my family and I) to show and prove our love to Jeff the same way He did. No, we do not literally die on a cross. But while Jeff is still a sinner (unsaved) we die to ourselves and be that witness to Him so he will come to Christ. Jesus sacrificed His life. So must we. Jeff was spiritually abused and because of that the enemy has had him in bondage. Those chains can be broken but I don't believe it is by preaching at him. I believe our family is to "show and prove" and that we are doing to the best of our ability. And we are beginning to see some fruit after 3 years of having him with us. So I praise God for that as I continue to labor in prayer and tears for this young man.

A Perfect Union In Christ

I've been wanting to catch up on my blogging but have been so busy. Today I am not feeling the best and I am just feeling lazy and unmotivated. School this week was sporadic and I truly dislike when our smooth schedule is broken. But on the other hand... is it ever really smooth? I support my daughter in her dance career, but some days I long to just stay home and not get out. Maybe I'm feeling this way because I had to get out on our day off of dance which is Wednesdays. Ashley had an appointment with an orthopedic doctor who specializes in feet. She passed her test and her x-rays were good. The doctor said she is good to go in starting pointe. We were even more blessed at how God works everything out for us. We had no clue which doctor to choose so David just called someone out of the phone book and prayed it would all work out. The doctor we chose has a daughter in ballet who is only 11 and already attends American Ballet's intensive in the summer. When she was ready to do pointe he told us he did a lot of research on pointe and studied and researched with other specialists in the country regarding how early kids can do pointe and it not ruin their feet. Because he wanted to make sure his daughter's feet would be ok he went further in his studies. So he was well-educated when he talked with us. We were so blessed and relieved. Ashley is excited and cannot wait to begin. After we went to the doctor's office, Ashley and I had lunch at Piccadilly. The blind guy that plays keyboard was there. But what intrigued me was this old couple dancing. They looked like they were well past their eighties. They were doing the salsa, cha-cha, etc..! It was in slow-motion... old-fogie style... but I was so blessed to watch them! I found out when we visited my grandmother and aunt afterward that this couple go there on a regular basis to dance. I sat there and thought how wonderful to see this old couple... growing old together.... still in love... doing what they love to do most in their retirement years. They were smiling and having so much fun together. It made me reflect on marriage and how rare it is today to see a marriage actually last. I smiled to myself as I thought of David and I recently celebrating our anniversary of 30 years together. Not to mention we met and began dating when I got to high school. I was 14. It seems like a lifetime, yet it is really a short amount of time compared to eternity. It also brought my thoughts to the marriage retreat we are attending tomorrow night. I thought about couples I know of in our church whose marriages are rocky and unstable. I am surprised to find out there are many. My heart is burdened for them. I remember when David and I had marriage issues years and years ago. I remember that painful time of our lives and how heartbreaking it all was. After doing so much reflecting I had more gratitude for my marriage... my husband... We were asked by our pastor when we went to his house last Sunday if we thought we had the "perfect" marriage. What a question! I guess that depends on what the definition of a perfect marriage is. It is easy to say nobody has the "perfect" marriage... are do they? To someone else if a couple argues then they cannot have the perfect marriage. Or maybe one or both of the partners don't agree on certain things. Does that make the marriage less perfect? I don't agree with that.... because since humans are not perfect if we went by that theory then nobody would ever have a perfect marriage. And I do believe you can have a perfect marriage... NOT a perfect human... A PERFECT MARRIAGE. But the definition of perfect is not a definition made by man. A perfect marriage is God-made... and HE and HE ALONE has defined what a perfect marriage truly is. Do we humans really understand it with our finite minds? Not always. I could sit here and pick out the faults and weaknesses of me and my husband that are visible before me. He could do the same. There are times we do not see eye to eye on things. I hurt my husband with my words at time because of my flesh and not walking in God's Spirit like I should. I sin against my husband in my own anger, hurt, and frustration. Does that mean our marriage is not perfect? God knows my heart. He knows David's heart. He knows we both have flesh and we both sin. He also knows that David Burleigh and Yvette Richard became ONE on August 4, 1979. He knows all the problems we've had in past years. He knows our victories and our commitment to one another. He knows the ups and the downs and every sin we ever committed against one another. But does God see our marriage as imperfect because of those issues? I don't believe He does. He sees us as imperfect human beings who are married IN HIM. HE joined us together and what God joins as ONE is........ PERFECT! He brought David Burleigh the perfect helpmate for him. So in answer to the question... do we have the perfect marriage? Yes... we do. Why? Because GOD brought us together and made us ONE and TOGETHER David and I have chosen to live our lives for Jesus Christ... the ONE who perfects us as human beings little by little... day by day... as we yield more and more to Him. If I looked at the world's way of a perfect marriage then nobody has one. I also feel that even when a couple do not get along or they disagree it is sometimes a key to perfecting them more in Christ. Sometimes it takes that argument with your spouse to see yourself. Sometimes God uses our spouses to change things in us we would never see. When we do wrong or sin is when we fail to see what God wants us to see IN OURSELVES and we keep pointing the finger at our spouse. Our spouse could be wrong and sinning against us... but it is still our job to examine ourselves and react in a godly way to each other. But we humans are revengeful... and we sometimes want our spouses to pay for the pain they have caused us. This is when sin comes in. Every time we open our mouths to argue it is OUR CHOICE. Every time we say an unkind word... or have an impure motive... or a wrong attitude to our spouses it is OUR CHOICE. Arguing back with your spouse puts you in the position of sinning as much as they are because God's Word specifically says, "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. "Let ALL bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with ALL malice." Ephesians 4:32, 31 If I am arguing back am I being kind... tenderhearted... am I forgiving my spouse immediately? Am I PUTTING AWAY all bitterness... wrath... anger... clamour... and evil speaking? If I am arguing then I am EVIL SPEAKING... I am bitter... I am angry. I am to put it away and be done with it. Oh, if only I could always remember this! If all of us who are married can only understand and realize that not only do we sin against our spouses but when we do that we are sinning against God. I try to remember that as much as possible. But unfortunately I sometimes let my flesh get the best of me and I end up hurting my husband and God. No... I am not perfect... but I do feel I have a perfect marriage IN CHRIST. And I am learning more and more how to keep peace and hold my tongue and PUT AWAY all of these things that break the heart of my Savior and my spouse. I am learning more and more to be more tenderhearted... and forgiving...and kind to my husband. And what helps me to do all of these things is knowing and remembering that GOD brought this man into my life... into my heart... GOD chose ME to be David's helpmate. God made a PERFECT UNION when He brought David and I together. And I CHOOSE to honor that union.

A Walk On The Beach

We came back from our trip to Galveston tonight. We had a great time and the time away was well needed. There was one kink in it for me. My back gave me problems the entire time. On one of the days the pain was excrutiating and all I could do was cry. I took Ibuprophen round the clock. Not sure what is going on, but I can't do a whole lot right now without knocking my back out of whack again. I'm not sure if I have a disk problem or if it is all due to me being overweight or a combination, etc... All I know is the past few days was the absolute worse and excrutiating back pain I have ever felt. I couldn't swim in the ocean as long as I would have liked because the waves were too rough on my back. We did a lot of walking and I could only walk a little bit and then it felt like my back would just give out any minute. And then the pain would come... really bad... and I had to sit and relax. I would do it all over again to see the smiles on my daughter's face... to hear the joy in her expressions... to hear her laugh and play as she and her daddy made sandcastles and tunnels... I tried to help but I couldn't sit too long on the hard surface with my back problems. Me and the chair were buddies. One of the best moments I will never forget is when Ashley saw the ocean for the first time. Her expression was priceless! I will never forget it. And then on the last night we were there she asked me to walk down the beach with her to spend "mommy/daughter" time as she put it. I was so touched that my daughter wanted that time with me. My back was hurting so badly, but I didn't let her know it. I walked and walked pain and all. Yes. I would do it all for my daughter. And then it dawned on me... In the midst of some of the worse bodily pain I ever had I realized just how far me.... as a mother... would go for my child. And then I understood somewhat of how Jesus loves us. He went through the pain... the suffering... for all of us... His children. He chose to endure it all on that cross for us. Now what I felt was not nearly what Jesus went through. I cannot imagine it with my limited mind. But still... it was that driving force inside of me that would do whatever it took for my child... and yet... my daughter had no clue how much I was hurting... the sacrifice I was making. It was such a picture of that unconditional love that God has for us. If I am willing to go through that extreme for my child, then how much more is my Father's love for me? My love for my daughter is so small compared to God's love for me. I saw a wonderful picture of sacrifice and my Father's love for me... and the pain and suffering Jesus went through for little ole' me. I am HIS child. HE loves me so much. I will never forget that wonderful walk on the beach with my daughter. Yes... it was mommy/daughter time... but it was so much more.

What Needed Changing Was Me

I guess my friend starting a new blog lit a fire under me to update my blogs. LOL! I am excited for her and thoroughly enjoyed her sharing her heart. I have always felt she was a good inspirational writer, encourager, and friend. I am looking forward to reading more of her blog entitled "Simply Handmaid". We will be leaving Friday to attend a homeschool convention and then from there head to Galveston Beach. The convention is in Houston so we thought we would head over to the beach afterward and spend a few days. I am looking forward to some time away. After we return, dance classes are in full swing again for Ashley. The summer went by fast. But I am anxious to begin school again. We actually took time off for a few weeks which is something I don't normally do. During the summer I had reached a spiritual "slump" for lack of a better word. My spiritual life felt dry to me and my passion and enthusiasm for God's Word seemed a bit strained. There were things bothering me and I guess I just didn't want to face them. It is much easier sometimes to just run away and not have to deal with things. Or so I thought... but God doesn't leave us that way. God knows that we need to release our burdens to Him. He knows what happens to us spiritually if we just hold on to our issues and refuse to face those things that are burdensome to us. He allows those things in our lives so we can turn to Him and realize our need of our Saviour... Jesus Christ. I have always been stubborn and sometimes God has to allow enough pain in my life for me to turn to Him. And when I really think about it... things that burden me or so minor compared to other people I know. But even the minor things if left undealt with can turn into major or cause major things to happen. And then we soon find ourselves in the condition I was in this summer... spiritually dry. I was thirsty but didn't realize that the thirst I was feeling was a spiritual thirst. I thought certain needs of mine were not getting met by my husband. It's easy to blame our hubbies or something or someone else for our own spiritual dryness. It's easy to point a finger at everything and everyone but ourselves. We don't want to face our inner struggles. It's easier to run from them. At least it is for me. But God in His infinite love for me does not allow me to run very far. He always reveals to me in some way that it is MY HEART that needs some adjusting. It is MY ATTITUDE. And all of this wrong attitude causes me to react in wrong ways to every situation in my life. I've learned that when I am not where I should be spiritually then my husband is at fault... or this person is not acting right... or my kids get on my nerves easier... the list goes on and on. So what has changed for me lately? Well, it started when the teachers had their children's church meeting. Our pastor's wife asked me to share. We each take turns sharing what God lays on our hearts and also we are studying Philippians 1:1 - 11. I cannot go into detail here on what I shared or how it lead to a wonderful discussion where we each could minister to each other. The point is... I realized how much I need my sisters and brothers in Christ. I need their friendship... I need their encouragement... But most of all I need their prayers. The Lord showed me I had been sitting in my own little corner of the world and not allowing HIM to minister to me through others. Since that meeting I know my sisters and brother at that meeting are praying for me. I can feel their prayers. Things are changing and it's wonderful! A few days after that meeting the Lord placed upon my heart to spend more time in prayer with Him. I have to admit my prayer life was getting dry as well. I went to Mom's Night Out the other night and I talked to God a good while on the way there and on the way back. I was alone in my car and His presence was so strong. After I talked to God for awhile I began to listen to Mark Hamby. Oh, how God has ministered to me through this man! I had been wanting things in my life to change. What I thought needed changing was NOT the answer at all. What needed changing was ME. Me and my attitude towards it all. And I am praising God tonight for looking inside the depths of my being and bringing to light what I needed to see.

A Quick Post For A Change

Today was a productive day. Ashley and I cleaned house, cooked, and washed clothes. We both listened to our new music players. I found some Bob Coy sermons that I downloaded on my music player. I had the Word going in my head all day. And it felt pretty good! Powerful messages by Bob Coy! I really enjoy my player. I've been busy and haven't had much time to blog lately. We are taking a two week break from homeschooling so Ashley can have time for summer activities. We are looking forward to spending time with our friends this Wednesday and swimming with them. Then we get to celebrate Ethan's birthday on Saturday. He's already two. Wow. After that Gabby is coming over after Ethan's party and spending a few days with Ashley. Then Ashley is spending the night at Lisa's. She loves to do that. The dance studio is closed next week. And then after all that Houston homeschool convention... and then Galveston! Then the dance year begins again which means school will get more hectic. But it's all good. I'm not going to spend much time here tonight. Not much to blog about right now.

Laying My Burdens Down

Today is another day I am feeling a little down. Not sure why I feel this way. I've been feeling this way for a few days now. Maybe it's the summer heat. It's just too hot to do anything. I've been trying to keep busy and keep my focus on the Lord. He always brings me through my little bouts of despondency. These times normally do not last too long and I thank God for it. May be a menopausal thing. I've started two new blogs and added a chat box. I posted the url's of all three of my blogs on my chat box. This is my main blog where I just post about my day to day life and thoughts. I have another blog where I journal about my time in God's Word. I started out in the book of Psalms, but soon will post as I do my inductive study on the book of Daniel. My newest blog (a third one) is all about my homeschooling journey. Ashley and I have recently begun our new venture on lapbooking and I have posted pictures of our first one. We have done three so far and I will put more pictures up as I have time. I have to make time today to prepare my lesson for children's church this week. We are in the book of Exodus. I am healing well after my surgery and I thank God for that. Now if I can only stop feeling like I want to cry. Hmmm... what's up with that? I try not to focus on the things that bother me. Last night I poured out my tears to the Lord and placed my burdens at the feet of Jesus. This particular burden was concerning one of my boys. I needed to let it go and stop carrying the weight of it. Jesus came to carry it for me and I must not forget that. I am not one to let my feelings control me. I use to be. But God has shown me how to allow His Spirit to guide me even when I am feeling down. My mother was a very depressed person and I choose not to allow any kind of depression to rule my life. I have learned that it's all about focus. If you focus on the negative things in your life then you will become a negative person. There is always something to be grateful for... always a blessing to thank God for. When I am feeling down I place my focus on the positive things and I allow God to handle things that I have no control over. I am human with real feelings and emotions and they don't just vanish quickly sometimes. Sometimes I have to wait on the Lord and be patient and in due time He always comes through for me. My favorite Scripture in the Bible is But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 I have no doubt that I will have renewed strength because I believe His Word. I believe His Word in Psalm 147:3 where it says He heals the broken in heart. I have every confidence in Him. In the meantime I normally do a heart check. Is there something in my life I need to hand over to God? Is there some sin I need to repent over? Am I taking care of my body so I am not physically causing my emotions to be out of whack? Am I allowing others or something to control my happiness? Am I just ungrateful over something? Am I fully trusting in God in every area of my life or am I giving Him small portions of my life? Am I trying to run my own life instead of letting God have control? These are a few questions I ask myself when I do a "heart check". God allows us to feel down at times so we can see our need of Him. Do I like feeling this way? Of course not. But God never promises an easy life. He does promise that He will be with us through it all. And I am so thankful He is with me and I can cry on His shoulder. I am thankful to have a place to lay down my burdens. Jesus died for me to have these blessings. And today... though I am feeling weary... I choose to thank Him and focus on what He did for me on that cross. May I never take that for granted.